I’m in a High-Risk Pregnancy and I Think My Partner Exposed Me to an STD—What Should I Do?

When you’re pregnant—especially with complications—your world should feel protected. But when you’re carrying a baby and find out your partner may have cheated or exposed you to a sexually transmitted disease (STD), that feeling of safety can vanish overnight.

If you’re in a high-risk pregnancy and afraid you’ve been exposed to an STD through your partner’s secret life, this isn’t “just relationship stress.” This is a health and safety emergency.

And the way your body is reacting—panic, numbness, not eating, constant fear—it’s not weakness. It’s trauma.

1. First: Get Tested Immediately

If you even suspect that your partner has had unprotected sex with others, used pornography that involves risky behavior, or lived a secret sexual life, tell your OB-GYN right away. Ask for a complete STD screening, including:

• HIV
• Syphilis
• Gonorrhea
• Chlamydia
• Hepatitis B & C
• Trichomoniasis
• Herpes (HSV)

You may need antiviral medications or medical intervention to reduce risk to your baby.

2. Tell Your Provider the Truth, Even if It’s Hard

You don’t have to give every detail. But even saying, “I believe I may have been exposed to an STD by my partner” allows your provider to prioritize your care and take steps that could save your baby’s life.

If your partner refuses testing, refuses to disclose their behavior, or pressures you into sex during pregnancy while hiding secrets, this is a violation of your consent and a threat to your health.

3. Stress, Trauma, and Not Eating: It’s a Symptom, Not a Failure

Are you suddenly unable to eat? Are you losing weight, feeling dizzy, or skipping meals because your stomach is in knots?

That’s not just stress—it’s a trauma response.

According to Dr. Catherine Monk, expert in maternal-fetal health, psychological distress during pregnancy—including betrayal, anxiety, or emotional abuse—can cause real changes in appetite, nutrient absorption, and even fetal development .

Barbara Steffens and Robyn Rennie, authors of The Traumatic Nature of Disclosure for Wives of Sex Addicts, found that betrayed women experience rape trauma syndrome-like symptoms, including extreme distress, eating disturbances, and physical collapse .

And Dr. Karen Mitchell’s work on Persistent Predatory Personalities reveals how high-functioning abusers groom and betray their partners in ways that destabilize both mind and body .

If you’re not eating, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your nervous system is under siege. You deserve trauma-informed care.

4. This Is Betrayal Trauma—Not Just a Bad Relationship

Dr. Omar Minwalla defines betrayal not just as infidelity, but as a covert psychological operation—a sustained campaign of lies, manipulation, and sexual deceit that destabilizes your reality and safety, especially when you’re vulnerable .

If your partner:

• Withheld sexual behavior history
• Refused to disclose risky activity
• Lied about monogamy
• Dismissed your concerns…

Then you were exposed to abuse, not just betrayal. And if this happened while pregnant, your physical, emotional, and maternal safety were directly targeted.

5. Protect Your Body and Your Baby with a Plan

• Ask your doctor to document everything
• Request trauma-informed referrals (many OBs will have them)
• Set firm boundaries about testing, contact, and touch
• Store medical and legal records securely
• Reach out to someone you trust—even if it’s just one safe person

Pregnancy does not mean you have to tolerate deception, coercion, or abuse. You are not overreacting.

6. You Deserve Support That Honors What’s Happening

You may hear:

• “Just focus on the baby”
• “You’re too emotional right now”
• “Pregnancy is a hrad time for both in the marriage”
• “Take it to GOD, pray for your spouse”

No. The fear, panic, and physical responses you’re having are evidence of a violation, not a character flaw. You need people who understand betrayal trauma, not people who minimize it.

You Are Not Alone, and This Is Not Your Fault

You are not broken. Your partner is abusive. And now, you are fighting to protect the life inside you in the aftermath of someone else’s deception.

This is moral injury. This is trauma. This is not in the spectrum of normal marrital issues.

But it’s also a moment where you reclaim your power, advocate for your baby, and begin to make choices that restore safety. The very best you can.

Where to Get Help

• BTR.org: Betrayal trauma support groups for women
• RAINN.org: Support for sexual coercion and emotional violation
• Postpartum Support International: For prenatal emotional distress
• Domestic violence hotlines: Especially if you feel endangered or isolated

OB handout:

HANDOUT FOR OB/GYN CARE TEAMS

Title: “I’m Pregnant—and I’ve Been Betrayed”: What You Need to Know About Betrayal Trauma in Pregnancy

To the Medical Team:

Your patient may be handing you this because she’s struggling to say out loud what’s happening.

She may be:

• Afraid she’s been exposed to STDs
• Experiencing coercive or unsafe sexual contact
• In a relationship with a partner who is hiding pornography addiction, infidelity, or sex addiction
• Deeply distressed, confused, or unable to eat or sleep
• Withdrawing emotionally or showing signs of emotional trauma
• Scared to tell the full truth
• May be assaulted at home sexually or other

This is not just stress.

and during pregnancy, it can be life-threatening

What Is Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma occurs when someone you rely on for safety—especially a spouse or partner—violates your trust in ways that endanger your body, mind, or dignity.

It includes:

• Sexual deception (infidelity, hidden pornography use, secret accounts)
• Gaslighting (denying the truth, hiding behavior, flipping blame)
• Emotional abuse (manipulation, isolation, spiritual coercion)
• Exposure to STDs without informed consent

Why This Matters in Pregnancy

Pregnancy is a time of extreme vulnerability. When betrayal trauma happens during this stage, the effects are magnified:

• Increased cortisol and anxiety can disrupt fetal development
• Loss of appetite due to trauma can lead to dangerous nutritional gaps
• Medical trauma and dissociation may impair maternal bonding
• STD exposure may go undetected without full disclosure or screening
• The ability to consent to sexual activity is compromised by deception

Women in betrayal trauma often present with:

• Panic, nausea, brain fog
• Sudden weight loss or refusal to eat
• Tearfulness, exhaustion, or flat affect
• Fear of being touched or examined
• Inability to name what’s happening
• Fear of being labeled “unstable” or “overreacting”

How You Can Help

1. Ask gently, and without shame.

• “Has anything happened that made you feel unsafe sexually or emotionally?”
• “We will test you for a range of infections today, and then again in a few weeks etc”
• “You don’t need to have all the words. We’re here to protect your body and baby.”
• Lets review your contact info on your HIPAA—-IMPORTANT

2. Assume complexity.

If she says her partner is in “recovery,” or there’s been “some issues with trust,” she may be minimizing a dangerous situation.

3. Screen for STDs, even if she seems unsure.

Many betrayed women blame themselves. It is emberassing. Please use kind words.